Seven Habits of Highly Effective CG Leaders, Pt.1
Leave a CommentListening to the message on the Community App this past weekend reminded me of just how grateful I am for your investment in the lives of those in your Community Group. God has designed us to live in community, but transformational relationships don’t happen by accident—they take intentionality, time, discipline, and some skill. It’s not easy and it’s often messy, but it’s worth it!
So what are the essential practices, values, and skills of an effective group leader? Chip Ingram proposed the following seven habits which I believe sum it up very well, and are worth expounding on. As Community Group leaders, if we embrace and continue to grow in our integration of these seven habits, I believe we will see God show up in new and exciting ways!
Effective Community Group Leaders . . .
1. Live daily with the end in view.
The end is to grow in greater intimacy with God, which results in becoming more like Him—that is the essence of being a disciple of Christ. A life of discipleship is an intentional pursuit of the application of the biblical truths we study and learn that will help us grow to be more like Christ. One of the greatest gauges of the transformation within a Community Group is the transformation seen in the life of the leader. You can’t lead others in what you’re not experiencing yourself.
The next step then is to lead those in your group to greater surrender and intimacy with God. Hebrews 10:24-25 calls us to “spur” one another on to apply the things we learn, to live a life of giving, to hold each other accountable, and to share our story with other believers and seekers.
See also Ephesians 4:12-13 and Romans 8:29
2. Make a commitment to growth.
I had the privilege of witnessing the celebration of my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary. Saying vows to each other as a symbol of their commitment wasn’t the product of all that time together—they made vows to each other at the beginning of their marriage and that commitment was the very thing that carried them through many of the difficult times of life.
What does this teach us about life in community with others? It has to begin first and foremost with a commitment to growth. We often think we can just coast into that kind of relationship, but the reality is: spiritual growth builds on commitment, not toward it.
Jesus talked about commitment in Luke 9 when he said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” That a pretty serious commitment—one that doesn’t happen by accident. Paul goes on to use the picture of an athlete, making a commitment to discipline his body through training. In the same way, train “yourself for the purpose of godliness” (1 Tim. 4:7 NASB).
This commitment has to start individually, but also has to be established corporately within the group. One of the best ways to do that is with a group covenant. The exercise of developing a group covenant will help to refine and reinforce the purpose of the group, while ultimately creating greater ownership and buy-in by those in the group. For tips on developing a group covenant, click here.
3. Value process more than events.
The writer of Hebrews recognized this value when he addressed the lack of progress being made by the recipients of his letter. Though he had many more things he wanted to share with them, he was limited because of their immaturity. “You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil” (Heb. 5:11-14 NIV).
Process is defined as “an identifiable sequence of actions or events taking place over time aimed at achieving a given goal.” Spiritual maturity is not defined by the completion of a Bible study, comprehension of a set of doctrines or beliefs, adherence to a checklist of dos and don’ts, or even any length of time. Rather, much like physical fitness requires on-going exercise and work, growing in spiritual maturity requires an on-going process of becoming more and more like Christ. Peter describes it this way: “For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 1:5-8).
As a Community Group leader you play a unique role in helping your group members embrace the process required to grow in Christ-likeness. This gets carried out in everything you do: the way you facilitate your group studies, how you model prayer, encouraging intentional relational relationships, asking questions that require personal reflection, the manner in which you address difficult situations. The secret to seeing God-inspired life-change is hidden in the daily habits you develop within your group.
- See “Facilitate Process,” chapter 25 in Making Small Groups Work by Cloud and Townsend | Amazon CBD
In part 2 of this post we’ll hit the last four essential habits:
4. Cultivate stimulating relationships.
5. Choose to become progressive risk-takers.
6. Leverage life’s hardship.
7. Make time for silence and solitude.
The Power of a Praying Group
Though a foundational practice of the Christian life, prayer may be one of the most overlooked elements within group life. Your group is probably not immune to the tendency to spend plenty of time talking about prayer requests, but very little in actual corporate communication with God. Perhaps the thing that trips us up is the “elementary” nature of prayer. While we know in our heads that prayer is really not that complicated, it’s not an area most believers consider a strong, vibrant part of their daily experience. This internal knowledge of the frustration, mystery, uncertainty we’ve often experienced makes us hesitant to dive into any kind of genuine, open prayer with others. So, more often than not, when it comes to our community groups, the opportunity to prayer corporately too often gets relegated to an obligatory component, tacked onto the end of our group meetings.
I’m pretty sure that’s not what God intended when he designed us with the capacity and need for prayer. That’s certainly not the model we see from Jesus’ own life and practice of the early church. Quite the contrary! Consistent, life-changing prayer may be one of the most empowering things a community group can do to allow the transforming influence of Jesus to be experienced by the group members! The corporate nature of the prayer experience certainly is implied in the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6. Take some time to read through and reflect on the prayer, especially noting the plural pronouns used.
The truth is, prayer is indicative of transformation…what people share as prayer requests reflect what they believe about God, what they believe about their relationship with Him, and what they believe the purpose is of the Community Group. The shared experiencing of prayer in your Community Group is an opportunity to cultivate group members’ personal transformation, while adding depth to the group’s relationships.
Start by considering how you might use some of these Creative Expressions of Prayer in your Community Group. As a church, we will be focusing on prayer in the first of this year. Every Community Group is asked to do a study on prayer in the first trimester of 2012. Click here for a listing of suggested studies, or see the 3rd floor Resource Room. Also available there is a printed copy of a 4-session Prayer Study, or consider downloading and using one of the following:
Being the Answer to Jesus’ Prayer (John 17)
Great Prayers: 6 Brief Studies in Prayer
Prayer That Changed History: 7 Brief Studies of Prayer in the Early Church
Praying Like Jesus: 10 Brief Studies in Prayer
Multi-dimensional Group Life Pt 1
The shift toward 3D programming seems to be the current rage in movies and even TV technology. Whether in video games, movies, or TV, the goal of developers is to make the experience more realistic—more like the real thing. We view and experience the world in three dimensions, so why would anyone want to watch something in just two dimensions if they had the ability to see it three dimensionally?! When you watch something in 2D, no matter how good the picture quality and color is, it just can’t accomplish the same thing without that third dimension.
In reading a recent article by a well-known small group specialist on some of the shifts in small group approaches, I was reminded of our need for multi-dimensional community groups. God did not design his church to be one dimensional; therefore, as a microcosm of the church, the community group must not be one dimensional either. The move from a one dimensional to multi-dimensional view will only happen when we shift our thinking about the purpose and nature of group life. There are at least three shifts in thinking we need to not only understand, but embrace, if the community group is to truly become an environment for making disciples. Where do you and your group members need to expand your understanding of group life to see a fuller picture of what God wants to do in and through you?
Shift in thinking:
1. From having meetings to building community.
A community group will fail to have value if it’s just about having meetings. One of the clearest indications of this faulty thinking is when asked about your group, is the first thing that comes to mind the day, time and place you meet? That’s when your group meets, but says nothing of what the group is about. The meeting is not important if it’s not all about making disciples in the context of spiritual family. Too often we also tend to view groups as a delivery system for ‘products’ like care, growth, evangelism, bible study, outreach. That view is not only un-biblical, but also short-sighted. While those are all elements of group life, they are ultimately just components of the process God has designed for making disciples who live like Jesus.
God’s design is for life in community—we’re hardwired that way. Intentional community, where we ‘spur one another on toward love and good deeds’ (Heb 10:24), is not an option—it’s a mandate! The New Testament model we see is believers living a lifestyle of being in community connected to Jesus and each other. This transcends a meeting day and time.
Is your group having meetings or building community?
Tips on building community:
Be Intentional, Not Prescriptive. Building community does not happen by accident—it requires much intentionality. Being intentional means having a purpose to what you do and encouraging things what hope to see happen. But avoid being prescriptive–defining a purpose for someone else and telling them what they must do to get there. Authentic community is inherently organic and only happens when it becomes an authentic expression of where the people in your group really are. It will take time to get there, but it’s so worth it!
Who are you, as the leader, intentionally investing in outside of your group meetings?
Smaller is Always Better. No matter what size your group is, there are always things you can do to make it smaller. Regularly use sub-grouping when appropriate for discussion or prayer time. If this is a new thing it will possibly be awkward at first, but push through and you will see relationships thrive in new and surprising ways! Once the sub-group is established, what if they touched base by phone or got together for coffee during the week? That most likely won’t happen on it’s own—so as the leader you may need to suggest it, then let it go from there.
Where will you use smaller sub-groupings in your next group meeting?
Leverage Spontaneity. Not everything you do outside your group time has to be an event planned out months in advance requiring reservations and a printed program! If that’s the only interaction people have outside the group it only further perpetuates an expectation of pseudo-relationships that don’t mirror real-life relationships. Allow those in the group to organize something spontaneously and invite those that are able to attend. As the leader you may need to model and prompt some of this, but try to remove yourself from it as much as possible.
Who will you prompt to initiate a spontaneous opportunity for relationship building outside of the group meeting?
Mix it Up. Avoid letting your group meetings fall into too much a rut. While there is a certain comfort level when group participants can have some level of expectation about the group meeting, if it looks exactly the same every time, this leads to boredom and stagnation. Create the expectation that your group meetings will look a little bit different every time. This will be a little uncomfortable at first, but push through and you’ll see positive result. Read more about mixing it up here.
How will you change the structure of your group meeting for next week?
Change Lines into Circles. Lifestyles today make integrated and interdependent relationships hard to create and maintain. The absence of this interdependence makes us hunger for community. Most of us manage “linear relationships.” Randy Frazee has some very practical tips on building community outside of group time in things you’re already doing. Read more here: Changing Lines into Circles by Randy Frazee.
Pick up 250 Big Ideas for Small Groups, by Steve Gladen and Lance Witt
Read: Mixing It Up and The Group Within the Group
Mark your calendar for our next RE:GROUP Group Life Leadership Gathering, Friday, November 4. Our theme is More Than A Meeting, with guest speaker Lance Witt.
Not Just Another Bible Study
One the biggest challenges in the process of making disciples is helping people move beyond head knowledge to heart knowledge. Transformation happens at the point where the truth of God’s Word intersects with the reality of an individual’s life. We know that happens best in the context of biblical community—believers living in authentic relationships with each other, mutually committed to pursuing God’s best for them. And yet there are still some obstacles to seeing whole-life transformation take place through your group study. Let’s look at two of the most common obstacles. Evaluate which of these obstacles are affecting your group study and begin to make some changes!
Obstacle #1: Studying the Bible just to accumulate knowledge
Those who can rattle off chapter and verse but never become more like Christ may not truly believe that the God of the universe is addressing them personally. They see the Bible as an ancient document with interesting and wise information, but not “living and active.” They see no need to apply it to their lives. This person comes to the Scriptures with an analytical eye rather than by humbly asking God to transform their lives. They take pride in mastering the text, but they don’t know how to let the text master them. They want to study Jesus, but don’t really want to know him.
Is our group studying the Bible just to accumulate knowledge? Do some simple evaluation now:
Evidence that we are:
Evidence that we aren’t:
Solution: Make Sure It’s a Discussion, Not a Lecture
When you’ve spent a good amount of time and energy preparing for your group study, the temptation can sometimes be to do all the talking and to answer your own questions. While there are times you may need to do the bulk of the talking, the way people learn and really digest truth is when they’re able to interact with it, rather than just hearing it. So in your preparation, focus on developing great discussion questions that invite your group into a discussion. Don’t be afraid of a few moments of silence while people formulate their answers. And don’t feel like you need to have all the answers—watch this quick video on how to handle a question you don’t have an answer for.
Watch: Lance Witt on how to facilitate good discussion
Read: The Art of the Follow-up Question
Obstacle #2: Coming to the Bible with arrogance
The person who is not being transformed by the Word of God may come to it to prove his or her point. This person may have decided what he or she thinks or wants the Bible to teach. They may have been taught such ideas as a child, been drawn to the Bible because it preserves the lifestyle they want, or because it gives them power in certain choices. This person doesn’t come to the Word of God to let it transform them. Instead they use the Bible as a proof text, to gain ammunition for selfish battles.
Is our group coming to the Bible with arrogance? Do some simple evaluation now:
Evidence that we are:
Evidence that we aren’t:
Solution: Be the Model
As the leader you set the tone for what your group will expect from your group time. You have to model the attitude and the process you expect from your group members.
What’s your attitude toward that group meeting’s study? Don’t ever begin one of these statements (or even thoughts): “[sigh] Well, we’re on week 7 of this study, so let’s see what this section is going to say.” Or, “I’m not really sure what the point of this week’s passage is, but let’s look at it anyway.” If you’re not excited about the study, your group members certainly won’t be! In order to come to your group time with joy and excitement requires that you have appropriately prepared—not just collecting the content to share, but genuinely wrestling with how God’s truth impacts your life. Only then can you come to your group honestly fired up about what He wants to do in and through you, and see this enthusiasm shared by those in your group. As leader, you establish the tone of your group. Model an attitude of expecting God to show up!
You must also model the facilitation process you expect from the group. By “facilitation process” we mean the way by which you as a group interact and learn during your study time. A combination of structured learning and experience learning is best, but will be limited by the willingness of the group members to be involved. Setting ground rules is an important first step. By establishing a Group Covenant early on in the life of your group you can lay out a unified, cohesive set of expectations for the group process. You must then make those expectations a reality by modeling what it looks like to live out that process in your group time through self-disclosure, acceptance, transparent sharing, mutual support, affirmation, and speaking the truth in love. If it’s going to happen in your group, you’re going to have to lead the way!
Read: Thinking Beneath: Pursuing Depth
Watch: Lance Witt on how to deal with difficult people.
Read: Saying the Hard Word Pt. 1 and Pt 2
For Further Growth:
Watch: Lance Witt on 5 Things That Will Kill Your Group.
Read: Making the Most of Your Group Study.
-Portions of outline and descriptions adapted from author JoHannah Reardon.
Margin
If you were not at RE:GROUP this past Friday night, you missed a great time of fellowship, inspiration, and learning in leadership! Our theme for the evening was Creating Margin for Transformation, and here’s what some of you are saying about it:
“Margin in my life will help transform the lives of those [I am] leading.”
“I’m definitely redefining my margins, spiritually, personally and professionally. Life changing information!”
“The breakout I attended was very useful. I took away some new ideas.”
“It gave me much to think about how to create margin in my personal life to get closer to the important things.”
“As leaders, if we are not healthy, how can we lead healthy and growing groups?!”
Do you have the personal margin to lead your group toward transformation?
The lie we too often believe is that by doing more, we are worth more; by maxing out our schedule and our commitments, we are accomplishing more. More…more…more. Margin is defined as:
1. an amount allowed or available beyond what is actually necessary: to allow a margin for error. 2. a limit in condition, capacity, etc., beyond or below which something ceases to exist, be desirable, or be possible: the margin of endurance; the margin of sanity.
The reality is we all have limits: physically, relationally, spiritually, among others. And, though it may seem counter-intuitive, when we live at or near those limits without appropriate margin our capacity in each of those areas is actually reduced! It is in the margin that we are available to be used by God. It is in the margin that life happens!
This is no less true in our service and leadership in the church. While we may recognize the need for margin in other areas of life, we too often subtly allow the lie of “more” to creep into our service to God! Perhaps it’s because we see the greater value of this service that leads us to think the laws of limits and margin somehow don’t apply? Maybe we feel better about being maxed out if it’s from “spiritual” endeavors? Whatever the reasoning, it’s still just as much a lie!
God has entrusted every believer with passions, gifts, abilities and opportunities to serve. The question is: Do we trust Him enough to be satisfied with that? “But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. It was he who gave some to apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” [Eph. 4:7, 11-13 NIV]
If you have too much to do, not enough time for the things you really long to do, and are lacking the needed investment in relationships, it’s safe to say you’re outside of God’s design and intent for your life. I hope the challenge from Pastor Merle in the main session at RE:GROUP this past weekend is the start of a process of evaluation and meditation on where and how God is calling you to invest the life he’s given you. For some, creating margin will be a matter of re-prioritizing all that’s on your plate; for others it may require cutting some things–even “good” things–that aren’t the best; for some it may be creating the margin to hear from God; for still others it’s margin in the relationships and dynamics of your Community Group.
Merle suggested four very practical steps to creating margin:
Look in the mirror. The only one we have to blame for our lack of margin is ourselves! Quite blaming others/circumstances and take responsibility for creating margin in your life. 1 Cor. 11:28 says examine yourself. Do I have an unhealthy need to please others? Do I have an unhealthy need to be needed?
Listen to your body. 1 Thess. 5:23 and Rom. 12:1. What is my body indicator that I have no margin?
Lessen the speed of your life. Is God ever in a hurry? No! Live your life at the pace off God. Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Psalm 46:10. It’s hard to hear transforming truth when you’re uptight.
Learn to live with limits. John 3:27,30. When you don’t live with limits…you over-extend, you are trying to be God, and sensitivity to the Spirit becomes fuzzy. Are you living “driven” or “drawn”?
What changes do you need to make in order to have the margin for transformation to take place in your life? What changes do you need to make in order to have the margin to see transformation in the lives of those you lead?
Make a list of everything you do in a week. What is necessary? What does God want you to do? Make a “to don’t” list (things to take off your plate); then follow through!
Click here for information on resources for personal and group use to help cultivate margin
RE:GROUP, August 5, 2011
Friday, August 5, is the inaugural meeting of RE:GROUP, Group Life Leadership Gathering. This is an exciting new approach to the way we invest in group life leaders and their spouses! Because RE:GROUP will only meet three times a year, all group leaders are expected to make every effort to be at all three gatherings throughout the year. A childcare expense reimbursement will be provided to help remove that obstacle for those that need it. If you haven’t already, please RSVP to Betty by Friday, July 29. Here’s some specifics you need to know about this event.
Event Schedule
6:15p Appreciation dinner. [Student Center]
7p Main Session: “Creating Margin for Transformation”. [Chapel]
8p Breakouts: Ministry/Topic Specific. [West Wing]
* Should be finished by 9p.
Breakouts:
Margin for Mission in your Community Group
(Jason Rust, PV Community Group Leader)
Margin in Group Life: Effectively Using Sub-grouping
(Jim Power & Candace Jeffries, PV Community Directors)
Margin in Your Group Meeting: Teaching for Transformation
(Pastor Tim Overby)
Margin for Community: The First Six Months of a New Group
(Pastor Josh Herod)
Community Directors
(Liam Atchison)
Starting Point Leaders
(Dr. Al Bean)
Click here to read more about the purpose of RE:GROUP and why we’ve made this change.
RSVP to Betty by July 29
In Word and Deed…
Related post: Groups That Serve Together Grow Together
Since Pentecost, the on-going care for the needs of those in the local church has held a unique priority for all believers who are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus (Matt 25:35-40). James tells us it is the essence of pure and undefiled religion (James 1:27) and early on when some needs were being neglected, it led to the appointing of deacons to help administer care in the Church (Acts 6). Likewise, Pleasant Valley is committed to providing the best care possible, through a variety of ministries. The Community Group is intended to be one of the first lines of care for those in our church; however, there are some situations that require additional, specific attention for a trained care-giver. That’s why you need to be aware of three new ministries at PV. God may well be preparing you, a group member, or your entire group to be involved in one of these ministries to help meet the needs of those in our church.
Stephen Ministry
This past weekend was a milestone for our church as we commissioned over 30 Stephen Ministers, many of whom have already begun meeting with individuals in need. Stephen Ministers are volunteer caregivers who provide one-to-one Christian care to the bereaved, hospitalized, terminally ill, separated, divorced, unemployed, relocated, and others facing a crisis or life challenge. Though Stephen Ministers do extensive training and preparation for this role, it is not intended to be formal counseling; rather it is someone who can walk beside an individual through almost any kind of life challenge. This is just the beginning of this ministry and another round of training will begin soon. See below for finding out more.
Homebound and SpellCare Ministries
Two other brand new ministries starting in the days ahead are the Homebound and SpellCare Ministries which provide an opportunity for church members to reach out to fellow church members who are either homebound or caring for a family member who is homebound. In both ministries, a volunteer with the gifts of service, compassion and hospitality visit homebound individuals in their place of residence, and will have the opportunity to share Christ’s love for the person by meeting some of their spiritual, emotional and social needs.
The purpose of the Homebound lay-minister is to share regular weekly devotional time and social time in the home of a fellow Christian who is no longer able to attend church. If the client is under the supervision of a caregiver, that person should be present in the home during the visit. The Homebound lay-minister will commit to a six-month period of weekly meetings with the hope that the relationship will bond into a long-term Christian friendship to our homebound brothers and sisters.
The purpose of the SpellCare ministry is to provide a respite period for a full-time caregiver so that they can meet some of their personal needs such as getting a haircut, shopping or banking, going out for a meal with a friend, or going to a movie or concert. The volunteer will stay with the homebound individual (client) for a period of up to four hours. This service should NOT require nursing skills, but may require that an individual assist the client to care for their own needs. The time commitment for SpellCare is determined based upon the needs of the caregiver and the availability of the volunteers, so it may work better for those that cannot make a weekly commitment, but may have a block of available time to occasionally help as needed. Additionally, SpellCare ministry would also like to provide support for caregivers to attend church services, which opens up the opportunity for a shorter but more regular time commitment.
We are introducing these ministries not only as opportunities to serve, but also as a way to meet the needs within our church community. Please pray for these ministries. Pray that God will raise up the volunteers to be used to meet the needs of our fellow Christian brothers and sisters that are going through a particular life-challenge,or coping with the stresses of being homebound or providing care to those that are. God will bless the server and the served.
Please inform your groups about these new ministries and consider how God may be leading you, a group member, or your entire group to be involved in some way in these ministries (Groups That Serve Together Grow Together). Use the information below to find out more about serving with one of these ministries or if you know of someone that would benefit from these services.
For more information…
Stephen Ministry: Sharon Jones 816-781-5959
Homebound Ministry: Karen Heil 816-429-8250
SpellCare Ministry: Linda Canida 816-868-4724
How Will You Lead Differently Through the Summer?
In case you haven’t been outside in the heat this week—summer is here! That means kids are out of school, vacations are drawing near, the days are longer, and usually any semblance of “routine” goes out the window. Your group will NOT be immune to it! Most leaders tend toward one of two responses: either cling more tightly to your usual group routines and patterns, only to become more frustrated and burned-out; or, to throw group life out the window: “Everyone’s schedules are so crazy, we’re just going to take the summer off.” Neither of these are healthy options, however. Instead, determine now to be proactive and beat the Summer Slump by intentionally doing things outside your normal group routine.
As we’ve discussed before, the Summer is a great opportunity to do some evaluation of where your group is at in order to chart a course for the future. Revisit the three questions to help you assess your current situation. Because attendance at group meetings may be sporadic and tend to drain group momentum, the key is to encourage opportunities for relationship building outside of your group time. Use these principles and suggestions for ideas of ways to lead differently through the summer. This is just the starting point though—let your creativity run wild and have fun with it!
Change the Environment
Some of Jesus’ greatest teaching opportunities with his disciples were not in formal settings, but in social gatherings. Follow Jesus’ example by using every occasion to disciple your group by telling stories and asking probing questions in order to think and process what may have been said in a recent sermon or past group study. Use conversations and dialog surrounding what you are learning as a group and as a church. This is a great chance to improve your skill at the Art of the Follow-up Question.
The summer is the perfect opportunity to plan events or even group meetings in a different environment than you may be used to. The change of pace and environment provide group members with a new outlet to share even more of their lives together. Topics that never seem to come up in a group meeting, people suddenly feel more comfortable talking about during a well-planned social gathering. Most importantly, everyone gets to see each other as “real people.” Do things that allow group members to see sides of one another that they may rarely see in the group meeting. For example:
- take a picnic to the zoo
- spend a Saturday at the lake
- cookout and outdoor movie night at someone’s house
- take a day trip…Weston, Rocheport, Atchison, etc.
- group bike ride
- attend an art festival or museum
- play softball or go bowling
- volunteer together (Groups That Serve Together Grow Together )
- meet for breakfast on a Saturday morning
- progressive dinner at various group member’s homes
- visit a local KC attraction (Union Station, WW I Museum, Plaza, Truman Library)
- attend a dinner theater or theater in the park (usually free)
- take dinner/dessert to a local firestation to show your appreciation
- do a game night and have everyone bring their favorite game
These are just a few suggestions to help build community outside of regular group meetings. Engage your collective imaginations! As the leader, encourage your group to spend time together, and help set the example for them. You will find the investment of time, along with the fun and laughter, lead to a deeper connection during your group meetings and momentum to help overcome the Summer Slump.
Incorporate Group Members in Planning and Preparation
This is a great time to delegate leadership and allow group members to help plan and lead a group activity. What are they passionate about? What skills/hobbies do they have that you may not necessarily share? Explore letting them plan a group activity accordingly and watch them infuse the activity and the group with a shot of energy and enthusiasm, not to mention that it may introduce new sides of people previously unseen.
Summer-time is also great for allowing a potential apprentice the opportunity to facilitate your group meetings, because of the perception of “less pressure.” Refresh yourself on the steps to intentional apprenticing and then give someone the opportunity to lead a group meeting or even a whole study. It’s an ideal chance for them to get their feet wet and at the same time give your group time some variety.
Change the Format/Structure of Your Group Meetings
Let’s face it, we’re creatures of habit! If you’re honest, you probably have a routine structure to your group meetings—open fellowship, opening prayer, study time, prayer requests. Maybe it’s a different order, but your meetings almost certainly have some sense of routine to them. That’s actually a good thing, especially early in the life of a group–it creates a sense of security that your group members can depend on. However, if your group’s been together for some time, it’s time to change it up a bit, so why not do so during the summer?
It may be as simple as changing the order in which you do things. Plan your open fellowship time for the end after your prayer time and see how the group interaction changes. (This will also require you be disciplined about when you start, and not just allowing the study to run too long.)
We tend to make the study the main component of our group time. While it’s essential to the transformation process, the study doesn’t always have to take center stage. Don’t be afraid to emphasize different aspects of your group time. For example, if you always start with prayer requests and find it consumes more time than you’d planned or gets lost in rabbit-trails, instead move that to a dedicated meeting time. Model for the group the significance of that part of your group by dedicating an entire meeting to praying for each other. Then one meeting each month do just that–but be creative about how you do it! Don’t just do the typical “prayer requests” time. Get some ideas from these creative expressions of prayer, then approach each of your group prayer meetings differently. (This is another great way to include group member(s) in the planning and execution.)
Plan a group retreat. Relationships are strengthened on retreats and it is a great chance to celebrate what God has done in your group member’s lives while also casting vision for where He’s taking you as a group. Check out these tips on planning and leading a group retreat ( Part 1 | Part 2 ).
Capitalize on sub-groups. Whether it’s during your group time or a separate meeting at another time, the use of sub-grouping will enhance relationships and allow group members to interact in a completely different environment. Consider doing a study on some aspect of relationships and divide the men and women into separate groups for the discussion time. Check out these essential tips for using sub-groups effectively.
Try a variety of these or ideas to lead differently. Some may be great, others just okay. The key though is to lead differently during this season! It will stretch you and your group a bit, but will definitely be worth it!
How do you plan to lead differently this summer? Share your ideas or past experiences. LEAVE A REPLY
Abba Changes Everything Pt. 2
The first step in God’s method of transformation into Christ-likeness is growing in a more intimate knowledge of Him. To effectively lead others in this process requires that we begin with the reality of who they are and where they stand in relationship to the Father. While the simple act of hearing someone’s story is often the best, most natural place to start, it’s often one of the most overlooked exercises in the life of a community group. One reason we encourage all new groups to begin with the group study Community, by Andy Stanley is that it incorporates this exercise. How then do you listen to someone’s story in such a way that you have better insight into leading them into a more intimate knowledge of the Father?
Give Structure
A general question will get a general answer. “I’d love to hear your story,” may be an easy way to ask, but probably too open-ended, by itself. So give some structure in your ask. “What would you say have been the three most pivotal events in your life?” “Tell me about who have been the most influential relationships in your life.” “Describe the highest mountain-top experience, and the lowest valley experience thus far in your life.” “What would your family and closest friends say you are passionate about?” Be creative, but be specific. These are examples of providing specific structure to the story-telling that will get past just the dates and generalities, digging for the heart of who they are as a person.
Listen with Transcendent Curiosity
As they share, look for recurring themes in the story. The way in which we share our stories is often reflective of how we view ourselves and God. Dr. Larry Crabb uses the term “transcendent curiosity” for the practice of looking for the story beneath the surface story.
Every person’s life is a transcendent drama, whether he or she sees it that way or not. There is a battle going on beneath the surface of every story. And there are two simple keys to recognizing and entering the battle. First, realize there is always a hidden story beneath every shared story. Second, the hidden story always includes shaping events that taught the person wrong definitions of life and gave shape to how he lives his life.*
Crabb suggests at least four typical ways in which a story can be told that will give insight into the story behind the story. It’s sometimes difficult, but listen with transcendent curiosity to someone telling his or her story as:
- A tragedy—I’m a victim; support me
- A romance—I’m a hero; applaud me
- An irony—I’m a cynic; sneer with me
- A comedy—I’m a clown; laugh with me
Being curios about someone’s story, and the story behind the story, is ultimately about being able to love and care enough about that person to go beyond just the surface. Give them the focus and presence to know that you care enough about them to engage them in their story.
Open the Door for Reflection
Listening intently for the story behind the story allows us the opportunity to then reflect with them about where God might be at work in them. What are the Spirit’s whispers of truth you sense coming through the story? While sharing our story is a significant step, by itself, just sharing has no ability to change us. It’s only in the reflection on the story that the door is opened for the God’s truth to enter and be embraced.
Help them move beyond the what of their story, to the why of who they are. Open-ended questions can be a powerful tool to make this jump. “You mentioned ____ was a pretty major shaping event in your life. How did that affect how you viewed God?” “What do you think is driving that fear that has kept you from fully accepting God’s grace?” “I wonder if your desire for ____ has kept you from completely embracing this aspect of who God is?” Plant the seed for reflection. You will most likely be able to see their blind-spots much more clearly than they do, but it’s your job to lead them with probing questions, to the point of personal reflection. Read more about the art of the follow-up question.
As you relate with your group members this summer, look for the opportunities to begin the dialogue that can set the stage for growing in intimacy with the Father. Whether it’s sitting by the lake at Family Camp, around the grill at a cook-out, or interacting in a men’s/women’s sub-group, be intentional about making the most of every occasion!
* Crabb, Lawrence J.. Soultalk: the language God longs for us to speak. Nashville: Integrity Publishers, 2003.
Abba Changes Everything
“Abba Changes Everything” exclaims the cover story of a past issue of Christianity Today magazine. The article had nothing to do with the 70’s Swedish band—rather, it presented the theological basis for Christian adoption. Abba changes everything. That phrase stuck with me. Isn’t that also true for more than just adoption? That is a reality of the Christian life. Abba changes everything!
The first step in God’s method of transformation into Christ-likeness is growing in a more intimate knowledge of Him. Jesus modeled for us the type of relationship with the Father he desires us to have (see John 17). On the last night of his life, in agony Jesus prayed “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36). Jesus reveals volumes about his Heavenly Father through the use of this one Aramaic word.
Our English Bibles include a transliteration of the work Abba, because there really is no adequate modern equivalent. Even “dad” falls short of capturing the intimacy inferred in this term originally. Before the First Century it was an expression used only by small children of their father—perhaps similar to “mommy” and “daddy.” However, by Jesus’ day this form of address to one’s father was no longer restricted to children, but also used by adult sons and daughters. Abba took on the warm, familiar ring which we may feel in such an expression as “dear father.” Interestingly, in no other Jewish writing do we find references to God in this way. So, as far as we know, Jesus was opening the door to seeing relationship to the Father in a new and more personal way. Though we only have record of three instances of this word in Scripture (Mrk 14, Rom 8, Gal 4), the underlying familiarity of this relationship is implicit in all his teaching about His Father.
For many, seeing God as the creator, sovereign ruler and eternal judge is not difficult. We give hearty ascent to the formulated doctrine of God. But truly knowing him…knowing God as Jesus knew Him—Abba, Father—that can be a challenge. For some, the mere mention of “father” recalls wounds from past abuse, or an aching void from a disengaged father. For still others, father is a foreign concept—able to acknowledge it cognitively, but without experiential basis. This is just one reason that sharing story is such a crucial element in the transformation process in group life. Without story, our reading of Scripture often becomes nothing more than a stale recitation of a distorted systematic theology.
James Bryan Smith points out:*
[God] is completely good. And the fact that God is also all-knowing and all-powerful makes his goodness even better. I can trust God, even if things look bleak. It does not matter that God is all-powerful or all-knowing if he is not all-good. If he isn’t all-good, I will never be able to love and trust him.
What part of a growing, intimate relationship with the Father are your group participants missing because of their past experiences? Begin to explore their story with them—perhaps there are hurts and disappointments never shared because no one ever took the time to listen. Jesus knows the embrace of the Good Father and the healing that comes only through a relationship with Him. Don’t shy away from a person’s story in your pursuit of getting to know Him better, it may well be the beginning of Abba changing everything!
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* Smith, James Bryan. The good and beautiful God: falling in love with the God Jesus knows. Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP Books, 2009.
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For more…
Listen: John Piper message – The Spirit-led Are the Sons of God
